Trying to keep things in perspective

I’ve been joking a lot lately, about being considered a geriatric OB patient. Honestly, it doesn’t bother me; but I am realizing that age is taking a toll on the ease of my pregnancy. It hasn’t been a physically difficult pregnancy – I’ve been lucky that all of my pregnancies have been problem free. But I do feel older this time around. And it has been difficult on me, mentally.

Given the fact that we just couldn’t afford a fifth child, and that mentally, I’d probably lose my mind, I know that this baby is the last baby that I will carry in my womb. I’m okay with that… I know that the joy of being a parent takes place outside of the womb. But I would be lying if I said that I am taking this pregnancy and all of it’s ups and down for granted. As each day draws closer to this sweet babes arrival I am finding it difficult to balance my desire to hold on to each kick and hiccup with my anxiety over the impending labor. I don’t want to waste my last days of carrying my last child, inside of me, dwelling in fear and anxiety over a brief time of pain. (Ironically, I also know that it is a time that I will romanticize once it is over.)

But that is what I find I am doing. I am anxious… I am having to watch my breathing… And it makes me sad that so much of my energy is currently going towards counteracting the stupidity of this anxiety. I haven’t had a full-blown panic attack during this pregnancy, but I’ve come too close, and I feel like right now I am constantly riding on the edge of one. And, given the fact that this is my fourth child, I feel like a big huge baby fretting over this…

So I ask — will you all please pray for me? Specifically, for calm and peace during the last days of this pregnancy and through my labor and delivery. I know that my baby is healthy and that he is growing well. But I have control issues, and never have I felt so out of control as I did during my last delivery. And I really really need to keep things in a realistic perspective.

When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
~Psalms 94:19

Thank you so much, in advance, for all of your prayers.

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Comments

  1. Karla, thanks for your sweet words of truth over at my place. I will be praying for you, that God will calm your anxious heart and that you will truly enjoy these last days of your pregnancy.

  2. Karla, we will be praying for peace and calm these last few steps. I’ve had panic attacks, so I get the ickiness of them.

    Here’s to asking God to bless your heart out so you can enjoy this journey. Every moment.

  3. “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Phillipians 4:13…

    This is my current counter mental quote to every fearful thought I have over my own impending labour and delivery. Just last night I asked my husband to pray for my own anxiety, so this post of yours is timely for me also…

    Take care Karla, praying for you and looking forward to hearing news of a new babe!

  4. Panic attacks are AWFUL. I certainly will pray for you, that you have calm and restful rest of your pregnancy.

  5. Megan (FriedOkra) says:

    A woman who’d already been through birth even one time would be a little strange in my book if she didn’t have some sense of trepidation about labor and birth. (I say that to make you feel less babylike, not to poo poo your prayer request.) But I do understand that it’d be easier to enjoy the final days of your withchilditude sans anxiety. I’ll pray!

  6. stephanie@{Olive Tree} says:

    Praying!

  7. Yes, Karla. I will pray for you as you anticipate the arrival of your son. Having had a similar experience to you (regarding the birth of my last son and not being in control at all due to the quick delivery), I can certainly understand where you’re coming from. Actually, one of the reasons we are choosing to not have another baby has a lot to do with how fast my first two were born and all the anxiety that I KNOW I would experience just THINKING about what was going to happen during labour and delivery THIS TIME around. I pray that God will give you a sense of peace and comfort as you savor these last weeks of the baby in your womb.
    ((HUGS))

  8. Anonymous says:

    Be Still and know that He is God!

    It is a good thing that you recognize the fact that you are controling that is a good step so now you can give it all to God.

    I just cover you and your baby with the blood of Jesus.

  9. The Flip Flop Mamma! says:

    I just sent up a prayer for you. I don’t think it’s strange at all that you’re a little concerned about the upcoming birth. I bet even Mrs. Duggar(the lady from Arkansas that just had her 17th baby) gets a little worried. heehee

  10. Becky Wolfe says:

    You will definitely be in my prayers Karla. I understand anxiety as well & know that it can be a time stealer.

    When I’m most anxious or worried about stuff, that’s when I take time for just me & God in the great outdoors. Even if its just the park around the block. Find a place of beauty and of peace & talk to God. I won’t repeat all those ‘don’t worry’ and ‘peace of God’s’ verses to you. I’m sure you know them! But it looks like a lot of women are praying for you so let that comfort you as well!

  11. Praying here …. (((HUGS)))

  12. Yes, praying for you, Karla!

  13. thanks for being open and honest with us. love you karla!! praying!

  14. I wrote a post on LWG back in February, I think about anxiety and my solution is really easy. I imagine Jesus walking across the water towards Peter in the boat and the waves and wind calmed down. Peter focuses on Jesus and walks towards him but the second he is distracted and his focus is off of Jesus, he sinks. I imagine myself wearing blinders so I can focus only on Him and I’m able to calm myself down.

    Bit of a ramble comment–sorry, Jxn has a friend over. I need to put blinders on to focus on commenting I guess!

    Praying for you and a calm heart.

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