The Searching Soul

When I was in 9th grade, I started having some of those typical early-teen-deep-thoughts. You know the kind I am talking about: How do we know our universe isn’t just a speck on the head of a pin in someone else’s universe. I can clearly see myself sitting on the kitchen counter, all lights off, with the exception of the fluorescent light over the sink, chatting with my friend Jeff, on our avocado green rotary dial phone.

That phone? My nemesis when it came to my attempts at winning concert tickets. We still had rotary dial phones in our home until we moved into town my junior year of high school. Try as I might (and I promise you that I tried. Yes, ma’am I tried), I just couldn’t force that dial to spin faster than a push button phone. My chances of winning concert tickets were doomed from the start.

I digress.

As for those deep thoughts – it was all a part of trying to figure things out and my place in it all. As embarrassed as it makes me to reflect on my attempts at being deep, I recognize what I was searching for. I was searching for meaning. Meaning that I couldn’t find between the glossy pages of the latest Seventeen magazine. Meaning that Gene Loves Jezebel couldn’t satisfy.

And so it is with our souls. Our souls stir and swirl and nudge and tug. Always searching, searching, searching. There is nothing that can make us as restless as a soul that is searching or empty. Nothing as lonely.

Those attempts at deep thoughts may now make me blush, but the searching was real. I was raised in a Christian home. I accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of 6. But I got to an age where I had to make it my own. I had to question and search in order to come back full circle, to where I started and know, really know, that it was my beliefs that I was clinging to, and not just someone else’s.

I look at my children, and I know that they will each go through the same search for meaning. My husband and I can only pray and guide them as they grow. The choices are theirs.

And they will seek, and I will continue to pray that they will find the same faith that has strengthened me throughout my life.

Comments

  1. Heidi @ GGIP says:

    Thanks for sharing your story.

  2. Melanie says:

    Wow. Great post. I went down a similar path.

  3. I did a LOT of searching before I came to Christ on my own as an adult and found the faith I have now. MY husband and I pray daily that our childrens search will be shorter and that they will find the same faith.

  4. R.L.Scovens says:

    I guess we all go thru that. I got saved when I was 7, but I believe even then, children should be given the space to make their own mistakes and learn on their own. I wasn’t given that opportunity, but it came later for me.

  5. Although I wasn’t raised in a Christian home, we have very similar stories in how we came to our faith.
    Great post, Karla!

  6. newly visiting from Fussy’s link-over… :) I’ve had this happen recently with parenting in particular. I also was raised in a Christian home and took certain things for granted that I would do when I became a parent. Yet, when the time finally came, I had to walk a circular path until I came back to the starting point and finally owned the belief completely. I’m glad it worked that way, I’m sure my parents are as well, and I pray that my children will have the same experience.

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