The Lord knows the thoughts of man…

One night, last year, during my women’s bible study, we got to talking about Satan’s powers, or lack of…

Part of the discussion was capturing our thoughts and watching what we speak outloud. It went something like this:

Satan is powerful, but his power is limited. He is not able to read our thoughts. Therefore, what he learns about us and how to work on us, comes from watching and observing our actions or listening to our conversations.

I was pondering this last night, as I was trying to fall asleep. Last night, I was suffering from some severe anxiety (though not a panic attack) and was thinking about God’s spirit. It is not of fear. So obviously, what was driving my anxiety was not coming from Him. I found myself praying these admissions of fear silently, not wanting to give out any more ammunition.

But then I think of the Lord’s hedge of protection.

Does it extend to deafening the ears and shielding the eyes of the supernatural trying to harm us? I know the Lord is the God of all things and has performed greater miracles than that. But the supernatural is such a mystery.

These are just some thoughts I was pondering.

What are your thoughts?

But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
that those who love your name may rejoice in you
For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous;
you surround them with your favor as with a shield.
Psalm 5:11-12


*Updated to add: I had a good question posed on this: “How do we know that Satan and the angels can’t read our thoughts?”
I posted two REALLY good links for an answer in the comments**

tired but learning

I have been so tired the past couple of weeks. Tired, as in, I-need-toothpicks-to-keep-my-eyes propped-open-at-11:00-in-the-morning, kind of tired. The only thing I can come up with is that the medicine that I take daily is causing it. I up-ed my dosage and I think that is when the “tiredness” began… The medicine is my anti-depressant (there, that’s out in the open) and I was splitting the pill in half. But, I started having panic-attacks again and so I stopped splitting the pill. Now I am tired. It doesn’t matter if I get 10 hours of sleep or 6 or take a nap…

So… for now my options are panic attacks OR total and utter exhaustion. (I choose the latter until I can get this corrected, ’cause those attacks are NOT fun!!)

I’ve been considering fasting for healing of my attacks. It’s hard to talk about them because I know what I thought about panic attacks before I had them myself and I never realized that they were a big deal. I just thought that they happened ’cause the person got excited and anxious about something and my image was of someone just acting hyper (like they just stood there going “oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh…!!!!)

Let me tell you — that is not how they happen. They are physically draining and sometimes I don’t want to leave the house because I am afraid I will be somewhere and one will strike and I will be unable to get to my quiet spot by myself.

So, I am learning to rely on the Lord for this. I’ve always turned to Him in the midst of the attack, but I am learning that I need to rely on Him for preventing them. I need His peace. Fear is not of the Lord. He does not want me to be a prisoner of these attacks. I know He wants me to be free from them. I also know that saTan will jump all over that weakness if he even thinks he has an “in” for causing me suffering.

In fact, I never had these attacks until I started really growing in God’s word. I wasn’t much of a threat to saTan before. But as I grow in my relationship with the Lord, satan will try to make me stumble so that I am a weak or poor witness (or make me think that I am a weak or poor witness; which is something I struggled with when I first had my attacks. Thoughts like “have you REALLY turned it over to the Lord?” and “am I really trusting in the Lord?” have plagued me as I ‘ve struggled with these attacks.)

Maybe the Lord’s way of healing me is through my medicine. Maybe He will completely take away my need for it. I don’t know. But I do know that no matter how He chooses to do it, it is the best way.


Not Convinced it Wasn’t West Nile Disease…

Last night I was suffering from “cute photo-induced delerium” (see here) and therefore forgot to post on the main thing we’ve been dealing with for the past week:

Quinn has been to the emergency room twice since last Wednesday night.Last wednesday we were getting ready to head to church and I showed Sean a spot on Quinn’s arm. I had thought it was just a mosquito bite, but by the time I showed Sean it was HUGE and oozing. The bite spot made it look as if his elbow was dislocated (it was at his elbow but on the front of his arm) It looked really ugly so we thought it best to have it looked at. We took him to the ER and it turns out it was some sort of bug bite with cellulitis, but we have no idea what type of bite…

Here he is being a good patient (in two senses: he also had to wait and wait… which he did very well)

Here he is being “official” with his arm band


I couldn’t get any good ones of the bite…

On Friday he got a fever and complained of a headache and by saturday he was dealing with a 103 fever.

Sunday he slept all day and his fever was pushing 105. We gave him a lukewarm bath and got it down to 101. We also noticed some weird spots on the back of his legs. We didn’t know if any of this was somehow related to the wednesday incident and by sunday evening he was burning up again (pushing 105; his temp hadn’t been below 101 the whole time.)

I called the pediatrician’s office and she recommended taking him to the ER again since it could have been some type of staph infection from the original bite. So, Sean took him in. They were there from 10 pm – 4am — waiting for most of that time. They diagnosed this trip as an upper respitory infection. As of last night (tuesday) he was still dealing with a high temp (got back up to 104 yesterday) and still has those crazy bites on his leg…

So basically it is all as clear as mud. No idea what any of the bites are from; don’t REALLY know if the fever isn’t somehow related to those things (although he does sound stuffy today) He just woke up a bit ago and feels cool. Hopefully, as the day progresses it will stay that way.