Fall Down and Get Back Up

I’ve been thinking a lot about the struggles I’ve had in the past with panic attacks and depression, and while I’ve shared small snippets over the years, it wasn’t always easy to come clean about what I was in the midst of.

Now, a couple of years beyond it, I’m able to reflect back on them with some clarity (something that can feel sorely lacking in the midst of that cycle…)

Writing down my stories to share makes me feel vulnerable, and yet, I also feel driven by the sense that there are so many of us affected by these same struggles. Knowing I was not alone was one of the greatest things in the process and in taking steps in my recovery.

As I work through my stories, I struggle for words. I struggle with the memories of what it feels like to go back to that place. I see a person in paralyzing fear and anguish.

Yet, as I continue searching, and wipe the mud and muck from my view, I see someone who fought through it. Who found a Way to understand what was happening.

I no longer suffer from regular panic attacks.

Oh, I feel them knock on my door.
Whisper in my ear.
There are triggers, and I know them well.
They sit waiting for me to be overly tired or stressed.

But they no longer hold me captive.

And that is where I want this chapter of my story to begin.
Because it is worth celebrating.

But the past can’t be forgotten, because there are many others who have fallen and fear that it’s that last time before they can no longer get up.

Don’t believe it.
Don’t listen to those whispers.


linked up to Just Write


  1. Karla, I have appreciated being able to walk this road with you, be trusted with the details you feel safe with sharing and also with knowing that God knows your heart enough to take of the rest.

    You are a survivor and an inspiration to all of us. I have learned so much from you these last few years.
    Thank you fr being you, and sharing with me those things in your life that have made you stronger and me, as well, indirectly.

    I anticipate the moment that we finally hug in person come Heaven-time.

    • http://Karla says

      Kelli – you are too kind. I am but a servant at a loss for words — fumbling around, making a fool out of the One I so adore… :/

      Thank you for your kind words.

      And zomg… can’t wait to hug you one day!!!

  2. I struggle with panic attacks and depression, too. Once I started talking about it, I was surprised – shocked – at how many people said, “Me, too!!” It’s amazing that it can have such a huge impact on someone’s life and yet they don’t feel free to talk about it. As Fred Rogers said, “Anything that can be mentioned can be managed.”

    • http://Karla says

      Jeni – I knew we had a deeper connection ;)

      It’s been 8 yrs since I first recognized my attacks as that… I wish I had talked about them more, and sooner…

      Grateful that anyone is willing to listen.

  3. knowing your triggers is a huge part of the battle:-)

  4. Love this. I wish NOBODY ever had to struggle with this. I’m proud of your progress.

    • http://Karla says

      I would never wish them on anyone… my heart hurts for anyone who does.

      and thank you — there were times I thought that I had no choice but to live with them, and stay close to my ‘safe place’ [my home]. Every step has been a celebration!!

      • http://Karla says

        *anyone who does == meaning anyone who struggles with them [ not anyone who wishes them on others… though… that makes my heart hurt too!! ]

  5. I’m sitting with Anxiety as we speak and you made me feel less alone. Thank you.


    • http://Karla says

      Heather, I’ve followed your journey, and please know that you have done the same for me and for countless others.

      I wish there was a “Virtual Hand Holding Button” that we could press when we needed to be reminded that we aren’t alone…

      Makes me think of this Winnie-the-Pooh quote:

      “Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh?” he whispered.
      “Yes, Piglet?”
      “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”
      ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

  6. Thanks so much!
    Sometimes it is hard to not listen to those whispers! Sometimes those whispers sounds like fog horns!

    I appreciate openness. I find it so refreshing when people are just plain real!

  7. I’m not ashamed of my depression and many health issues, and I am glad you aren’t either. Shedding light is a wonderful gift!

    • http://Karla says

      Shedding light is the only way there will ever be changes made in people’s misconceptions and shame. Honored my voice can lend a hand!

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