Your Ways are Holy

This is one of those posts that I don’t want to write… I’ve been arguing with myself about writing it all afternoon. I’m sure you will notice a change in my usual tone. Therefore, it may be deleted the next time you come by. But, I also wonder if there are readers who actually need to see this side of me. After all, I might come across as always “glass half full”, when many times I struggle with seeing it as “half-empty.”

Lately, I’ve been struggling with what to post. If you look at my posts before the beginning of February, you’ll notice more depth than what I’ve been writing as of late. Apparently, my reader-ship coincides with the depth of my writing – because it has plunged (site meter is only a “good” thing when your blog is being read).

Frankly, I’ve been in a “mood”. I’ve been tired and run-down feeling. The funny thing, is that in many ways, I feel very cheery and light-hearted. But at the same time I feel very burdened and stuck. And right now, I just want to yell a hearty “It’s not fair” towards the Heavens.

When I was in high school, I was not the most motivated student. I just wanted to draw and do my art. (and listen to really cool music). However, as unmotivated as I was, I am sure that almost everyone that knew me would be shocked to know that at the age of 35, I am living in an apartment and expecting our 4th child.

This is not where I saw myself (not the 4 kids part… I always knew we’d have 3 or 4, God willing) I’m talking about our living arrangements. In, fact, a few years ago, we were sitting pretty. Comfortable house and cars. Then came a series of events that put us on the path we are currently on. We are certainly better off than we were 14 months ago. But we still have a long road ahead of us.

Most days I am okay with it all. I know God has been working a wonderful plan through us. And I know that my faith has grown in ways I could have never imagined. But then there are days like today, where my mood fits the gray that is filling the sky. Where an innocent word hits me like a rock to the middle of the forehead.

And I feel stuck – not in my marriage or with my children – but with the financial burden that sits on our shoulders. (and believe me when I say, that I know that we have it better than most people in this world – we have a roof over our head, food on our table and clothes on our backs. Which is the main reason I have struggled with writing this post. I don’t want to come across as ungrateful for what we DO have… ) I feel like our wheels our spinning in thick Alabama mud.

I look around and I ask “Lord, why all of them and not us!!???” Everyone makes it look so simple to own a comfortable home and be “stable” and “secure”. (which, my rational brain reminds me that looks are deceiving.)

And then, I realize I am being covetous. I am looking at what other’s are blessed with and comparing it to what I have or don’t have.

And no matter how I want to pout about it or shake my fist about it… it’s wrong to do so.

I don’t understand why God put us on this path and not one of great comforts and security…

But He has.

And I also know that He wants to bless us for remaining faithful to Him, even when things were dark and bleak.

Psalm 77
I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hand and my soul refused to be comforted.
I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
I thought about the former days,the years of long ago;
I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:”Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again?
Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”

Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds. 

Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?
You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

The waters saw you, O God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.

The clouds poured down water,
the skies resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth

Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked. 

Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.

You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

And really… who AM I to argue with that?

I may never have a mortgaged roof over my head, or live beyond paycheck to paycheck. But, I pray that the Lord will be my one and only source of fulfillment. That I will not look to things, or others to do that.

I may shake my fist and pout, but when was the last time I ever parted the seas?

Comments

  1. Karla, Bless you for this post. I have pretty much been feeling a lot of the same things as of late. Sometimes life is just plain hard. Though I circumstances maybe different I really do know where you are coming from.

    Praying for you and would appreciate prayers for me as well.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Karla, I have not talked to you in a long time, too long…. but you certainly know the struggles that I have been through in my life this past year. I have come to the conclusion that I can either wonder why and continue to ask God ” why me” or I can be have a thankful heart that God knew me and knew that I was strong enough and close enough to Him to be able to carry what I have been asked to carry. When I believe the later, I find much peace in my life. Love you and miss you!!!!
    Patti

  3. Karla, bless your heart. Your vulnerability and willingness to let us in on a hard thing is precious in itself. Sometimes, as Christians, we never want to admit to any confusion or wondering on our parts, we always want to look like we totally have our “trusting” act together. But I think by you admitting that somedays it’s just a hard row to plough, you really do minister to others who go through the same thing and are consumed with guilt for feeling like they do. Our God knows our hearts, our pain, our confussion. And He still loves us and leads us. Only He knows the whole picture. Just like sometimes our own children do not understand why we make them do certain things, so it is with us and the Lord. I pray Karla, for you, that He gives you strength and gives you glimpses of understanding into His long term plan for you guys. May it comfort you to know that just by posting this you touched my heart, I can relate to lots of it, the questioning and wondering. I’ve been there, done that. Maybe not necessarily so much with finances but with other expectations I had and couldn’t figure out why God was not delivering. May it comfort you to know others are going through it too, and that people are praying for you and your family, and may it strengthen you to know that in spite of our humanness, God loves us beyond what we will ever know.

  4. The Flip Flop Mamma! says:

    I’m so glad you decided not to delete this post. I was just thinking last night about writing a post how everyone only blogs niceties. A friend of mine actually referred to it as a “puke bubble” where we only share the wonderful things, like our lives are nothing but perfect. Maybe I will post it, still not sure. But I want you to know that you’re not alone. I find myself coveting things that others have, and I try to remind myself to be content. It’s really hard sometimes. It’s just because we are human that we always want more. And don’t feel bad about that. I see that you are trying to be content, and sometimes emotions just take over. I really don’t know where I’m going with all of this, but please know that you’re not alone. And I’m praying for you!

  5. toblerone says:

    Thanks so much for sharing! It encouraged me, as I know that might weird you out. {Hugs…}

  6. I love your honesty and I can say that I do know how you feel. It can be so easy to look at others and want what they seem to have. I know I’m guilty of it more than I’d like to admit.

  7. Anonymous says:

    God does not give us more than we can handle. Is it easy? No. But was it easy for Jesus when He died on the cross for us? When I was Lost Jesus died on the cross and I know it was the blood for me! Ok enough singing…

    I know many Christians right now in the same boat as you. Me included. And you may or may not like my answer. First the assumed…Tithe & offerings are a must as well as obeying the ten commands..thou shall not covet (which we most likely are all guilty of doing at one time or another). I don’t like to see when people think they are saying it and being cute…oh I am so jealous of you because of whatever the reason;that is sin (it’s in God’s word about Jealousy). God’s way…giving your self out of debt. Sounds crazy but God’s word is true. Do I have a house right now? No. But I KNOW it’s God’s will that we give. My church is an AWESOME church that is really really good soil. My church is a Prophetic/Apostolic church. God is into the S T R E T C H I N G business. As in Stretching our faith. Without faith it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God. Give and it shall be given onto you good measure…the same measure that you give. I don’t want to take up to much space so I will wrap it up. The bottom line is (my Pastor Preached on this on Sun) Eternal VS Now Giving is for eternal rewards and does God want to bless us with finances? YES. But what is more important to God is our attitudes Read 2Kings 5:1-14 Leprosy was not the problem with God it was that he was Prideful and Arrogant. BUT he did realize and accepted what his servant said and God healed him of his leprosy. My point is if God blessed us right this minute what would it do to our eternal life? Would you get arrogant prideful? My Pastors always taught the MOST important thing is to fall in love with Jesus and everything else will work out. I hope this made some kind of sense to you and blessed you. When i heard the message it blessed me. I will not stop giving and believe I have been blessed already. God paid in full about $30,000 of debt I HAD! AMEN! PRAISES TO JESUS!! God’s word is TRUE and God can not lie!

  8. Terri @ In His Hands says:

    I so appreciate your honesty. It allows so many of us to reflect on our lives and we get to know you better. I also want you to know that your post touched me. I am lifting you up in prayer so you keep yourself in His word.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your situation. Many of us live paycheck to paycheck and it is a big worry. I also remind myself that others have it worst but sometimes it frightens and worries me so. Just keep your faith and stay focused on the positives and God Bless you and your family.

  10. This might not be your intention in writing this post. But this is very inspiring.

    Keep the faith.

    Mike
    http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/

  11. Karla, I totally understand this post. We own our own business and many weeks we go without a paycheck. We wonder if we are doing the right thing and then God opens another door that says to continue. We are in debt big time and I don’t know what the future holds for us. But I am trying to keep the faith. It’s a day to day process for me though. Thanks for sharing this and letting me know that I’m not the only one out there that feels the same way!

  12. Anonymous says:

    Just another comment…
    It is not about being “positive” which I am not saying being positive is a bad thing (being negative is a bad thing) but it is about God’s word. God is waiting on us to take HIM at HIS word, the bible, the book, the be all end all. The bible is REAL as REAL can be. God is alive and not dead. It has taken me a long time…but I have finally got it. I tend to be an emotional person so i have to remind myself that yes God cares about me in everyway but He moves by His word. God has great things for you plans for good and not for evil, we just have to trust in Him. Thank you for being honest.

  13. Karla –
    I’m sorry you are having a tough time. It’s okay – really, it is. If we can’t be honest with God when we’re not feeling like all is well with our world – who can we be?
    I’m glad you were so real with us. I think women need to be real with one another. Life is not always a bowl of cherries.
    I know you will get through this and God will give you valuable insights as you do.
    Hang in there, my friend.

  14. Hi, friend :-)…I’m sending an email. Cmommy

  15. Hi Karla,

    Well, thank goodness. You’re human! And occasionally your cup is half empty like all ours are.

    Trust me, I understand. Because of the things that have happened to Rob and me since late last summer, we’re no longer secure either. Our circumstances could drastically change, very soon. We live paycheck to paycheck and right now, we’re just thankful to even have paychecks.

    So I understand. You do a great job of being upbeat most of the time. It’s OK to be down sometimes.

    On a lighter note, when I read the very first part of this post, you can’t believe how fast I read the rest. I was afraid it would disappear as I was reading. LOL

    Don’t delete. It’s real. Nothing wrong with that at all.

  16. Michelle-ozark crafter says:

    I understand the struggle you are going through financially. My hubby used to work in aircraft and made VERY good money. We drove new cars, had a nice house and all that. Then it was gone because of circumstances we couldn’t control. It was a hard struggle for a few years but we made it through. We aren’t rich by any means but we do all right and have learned to like a simpler life and small pleasures. I realize you have kids where we don’t but it will all work out. Just hang in there hon! I will pray for you as a fellow Christian

  17. Karla,
    Please take comfort in the fact that most people you see with a big house, and 2 brand new vehicles, are living well beyond their means. They probably have $250,000 worth of debt…
    In my opinion “people” are NEVER satisfied with what they have, they ALWAYS want more. We live in a country where almost everyone has a home (owned or rented, it’s still a roof), everyone has at least 1 car, and food on the table to feed their children. How many mothers in this world go to bed each night hungry wondering if their child will have a bite of food the following day?
    I struggle with contentment too. But the Lord is showing me the way. And we have HIM!!!!! Most people do not even know Jesus Christ as their Savior..so we are rich indeed.
    Proverbs 8:21 That I may cause those that love me to inherit substance; and I will fill their treasures.
    Matthew 6:19 ¶ Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
    Matthew 6:20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

    You are not alone!!

    By the way..your new banner is awesome!

    Have a great weekend!!

    Staci

  18. Jen Holland says:

    I appreciated this post very much! You’re not alone….I hope you know that!!

    BTW..I like the look of your blog!

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