A Note From a Frustrated Runner

I’m frustrated.

Running has been a close friend for most of my life. I was one of the fastest runners in my elementary school. I ran track in high school. I ran for fun in college. I ran to lose the baby fat after my babies were born. I ran to stave off panic attacks and depression. I ran for clarity in the days leading up to my divorce. I ran for sanity after it. It’s my time to think. Clear my head. I feel good and free when I run.

Except when I don’t.

Recently, my runs have become sporadic and more difficult. This saddens me, because, regardless of the reasons, I was doing so well in my stamina, distance and endurance for so many years. One of my goals around the age of 35 was to run a marathon by the time I was 40. I turn 41 in less than two months, and I haven’t run one. At this point, a 5K wouldn’t be worth the entry fee.

I am not where I want to be with my running. At all. And it frustrates me.

Maybe it means that my reasons for running have changed.

I’m no longer running away. Or towards something. Or for sanity (ok… that’s questionable…) But I still need the stress relief; the health benefits.

Holy cow, do I need the stress relief. And did I mention I’m almost 41? Hello, belly fat, that won’t go away!

So I’m thinking about documenting it more online here. I dunno know… But I do need accountability. I just know I need to do it, just like I need to Just Write.

Life gets busy, and stressful, but I don’t want to roll over and let it stomp all over me.

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Comments

  1. I am only a recent runner, as in the last 4 years with a break for a pregnancy. And I get so frustrated at how quickly running fitness seems to diminish if you don’t keep at it. And then when I start again I get frustrated at how slow I am compared to my best. But that’s a mind game we can’t play. I’m trying to just celebrate each run, each opportunity to move. I hope you find your groove soon! (visiting via Just Write)

    • It really doesn’t take long to lose it, does it? It’s amazing the difference in that and the amt of time it takes to gain it… Why does the world have to work like that? (eg broccoli vs. cupcakes? ;)

      I’m breaking it back down into tiny steps. At 40, I STILL struggle with wanting to do too much in a short period of time. You’d think I’d know by now. I’m a slow learner :)

      Keep it up! In a year, we could be running a half marathon!

  2. Karla, Karla.
    How I wish I loved to run like you love to run. How I wish that I had that deep desire to want to run everyday.

    Because I can be good for 3 months and really enjoy it. But as soon as something comes up and I get out of the habit, I hate trying to start all over again.

    HATE it!

    I want to LOVE it!

    I know people say that love is a choice. And I believe them except for when it is about loving running.

    • I would run every day, if I could. And if I don’t plan for it, days and weeks, and months pass. And then I pout and kick myself for not keeping it up. I’m finally getting it through my thick head, that even 20 mins a day not only helps my sanity, but keeps me from backsliding and having to start all over again.

      I have known many people who have learned to love it. I HATED it when I played soccer; I dragged my butt up and down that field, scowling the entire time. But when I started running in the dark, in the snow? I fell in love. The world was calm, quiet and peaceful. That was when I finally found my groove and was hooked. I’m always trying to recapture that feeling, and find that spot again when I run.

  3. I hate to jog, but I do it. I’m really looking forward, actually, to the Color Run over Labor Day. If any run is going to be fun, it’s that one! Maybe a fun race like that would be a good incentive for you. :)

    • I’ve been itching to sign up for it… It sounds like so much fun. AND it’s BEAUTIFUL!!! Will you keep me in mind for next year? Even if we don’t run together, will you encourage me to do it?? :)

  4. I can relate to enjoying the run! And to it becoming more necessary for me to be consistent after the age of 40 in order to feel the benefit. Before 40, I could just go out & run & feel good, even if it wasn’t fast. Tis a bummer this aging thing, but after harming my knee and being on the bench for several months. I am more motivated to stay consistent because I really like the stress relief of the run. Press on, you can do it. And running that marathon will feel great! Really you can do it. I highly recommend the Non-Runners Marathon Trainer — though you are a runner, this gives an easy do it approach!

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