A Cautionary Tale: afterward

As I mentioned in my comment on the last post I had planned on doing a follow up to it, to sort of wrap things up.

I  figured that there would be questions and comments that would need to be addressed. I didn’t know how my posts would be received.

I hit “publish” and then held my breath.

The feedback immediately started via comments, emails, dms, tweets.

Thanking me.

Because apparently, a lot of people have experienced the same sort of tale or their own personal BackStreet, and didn’t know if or how to express it. They saw themselves in my tale.

Since I hit publish, I’ve learned and been reminded of many things.

If I’ve learned one thing about the internet (and thank you Jesus for the fact that there is more to it than this) it’s that people do not like to hear things that they disagree with, don’t understand, find unbelievable or haven’t experienced.

No matter how I shared this, there would be people who wouldn’t like it.

I was mean for writing what I did.
wimp for not naming names and “setting it up so that it would be done in comments“.
Even the style I used to tell my tale was criticized.

But all I heard from those responses was: I didn’t really read your post.

Because it wasn’t about outing people. It wasn’t about being mean. It wasn’t about bringing someone down. There are at least 50 bajillion more effective ways I could have written my post if that had been my goal.

It was telling a tale that others obviously needed to hear.

And hear it, they did. Over and over and over again, people opened up and shared their own stories, as we shared a collective exhale.

So instead of wrapping this up in a nice and tidy package and storing it away, I’m crafting a couple of  posts that deal with some of the general feedback I received: ie: what’s appropriate vs what’s not; wearing masks; the truth about our new transparency.

You know — light, fluffy reading.

image credit


  1. Totally gnarly. ;-)

  2. Karla.. dear, I appreciate every.single.thing you are writing. and while I have not shared my story, I too have one all too similar. May I also state how I appreciate that you are choosing to keep writing, to expound upon what we are all learning here. That is the beauty that can come from all things.

    I love being able to keep up with you. You are more and more becoming one of my very favorite people on this planet. :)

  3. @LaureeAshcom says

    you go girl!

  4. You’re right, many of us have experiences with people like Backstreet. When you have someone of that stature in this little pond we call the blogosphere, naming names is lighting a match on a dry pasture. There is no reason to tell everyone who the person is unless you want to make the 2011 Blog Drama Top 10. We know that you weren’t trying to go there. The flamers will be distracted by another shiny object soon. You’ll still be you and I appreciate that.

  5. The story means far more than the names. If it was about the people, we’d name names, but it’s about principles.

    (I linked to you as Karla Porter! JUST realized that for some reason. doh!)

  6. Keep being authentic. Live your truth. This definitely needs to be talked about in this community.

  7. I think you showed great restraint. The fact that you waited SO SO LONG to tell this tale says something about your intentions. The post was written FOR YOU and had nothing to do with revenge or to cause pain to BackStreet.

    I think anyone who thinks otherwise just doesn’t understand how much you held back and for so long.

    I am proud you said something. Not because so many other people have been hurt by BackStreet or people like her…..but because you needed to release yourself from this past. You need to move on- and I don’t think you could until you shared your story with us.


  8. I agree with Marcy (I usually do). I think it took great courage to write your story and I so get it: You had to emotionally process it and spit it out on the page. It was FOR YOU and no one else.

    That said, I absolutely relate. I felt a huge affinity with your words and emotion.

    Thank you.

  9. I think blog comments should have LIKE buttons like facebook..don’t you? I wonder if I can do that to my blog.. If I could, I would “like” basically all of the comments on here so far, especially mamikaze’s.. there will another shiny drama for the internets to gawk at and off they’ll go…

  10. From what I have gathered from your posts is this:

    No matter how “close” you are to someone, places or things, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS get things in WRITING BEFORE the jump.

    I could be totally off base but, from reading all of the posts, this is what I have gathered from it all. As far as your way of telling the story, only you know the reasons why you decided to post it the way you did. I honestly don’t think you needed to drop names, etc…the moral of the story is what matters and what you were probably hoping others would get from it.

    Thank You for posting! I’ve watched a lot of court shows and this is a typical case of always covering your A at the jump! If others can learn from your experience, then, your job is done. :)

  11. Karla-
    I literally “stumbled upon” your site and so obviously am not someone who has been involved in any of what you have posted about here. But since I experienced a similar heart wrenching experience 6 years ago I can relate. But here’s the one comment out of all that has been written that I think rings the most true:
    “Maybe God spared you something rather than denied you something”
    In my experience it has taken over 5 years to finally see that. But in the process God continues to change me into a better person. One who has not been nourished from the outside by the sweetness of success, but strengthened on the inside by the power of hidden-ness. I can now honestly say that the worst thing that happened to me is the best thing that happened to me.

    I pray for the new things God is going to grow in your life through this Karla. I do believe God has saved you from something in order for the new thing to come to life!

    My encouragement is this: Dare to love, dare to dream, and despite all that has happened. go ahead and DO IT ! :-)

  12. Karla, Every experience we have has its’
    own purpose. Yes, the reasons are easy
    to figure out but it is the purpose . . .
    we learn from. It is a magnificent & humbling
    adventure to learn from the purpose. The
    tools available to us are quite easy to use.
    You are the only one that can get to the
    purpose for your experience. You have all
    you need for this. You were born with it. You
    have only temporarily forgotten how to
    access it. I to know there are no “accidents”
    or stumblings, ONLY synchronicity! You
    need to ask for help to remember.
    Until we meet again,
    Viloria Ꮿ

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