This time of year has been particularly difficult for me for a couple of years now. Anyone who watches my tweet stream can pretty much figure that out.
I get asked questions about this frequently, and so I’ve finally decided to share. Some people will call me mean-hearted and say I’m just looking for a catfight. Others may secretly nod, because they’ve been through something similar at some point. Still others already have a sense of what it’s about and will silently pray that I will finally move on.
I think on some levels, it makes people uncomfortable.
Holy heck! It makes me uncomfortable!
And honestly, I’ve struggled with how, and if, to share this story.
I’ve always looked at people who wallow and can’t get over something and half-pitied and half wanted to smack them.
But I’ve become that person. The one who can’t move on. Who can’t forgive. Who is bitter. Who is a victim.
I never wanted to be any of those people. I don’t want to be any of those people.
I’d already successfully dealt with that on a separate issue. And I’d tried to deal with this one, shortly after it happened. I have struggled with thoughts that I am the worst sort of Christian – the sort who points fingers and doesn’t examine themselves. A Pharisee.
So I’m going to tell my tale, once and for all. But I’m going to (try to) tell it, not as an exposé, but from a point of self-examination. A cautionary tale. Because, I think that in examining the situation more closely and trying to figure out why it hurt so much, I’ve come to an unexpected conclusion that surprised me. One that others might look at and realize that there is something in their own life that they need to side-step and move beyond.
All I’m trying to do is share, just like I once used to do. Some parts will be vague, for obvious reasons. Other parts will seem blatantly obvious. There is no other way to tell it.