A Birth and A Rebirth

[I will be posting What The?! later today. Today is my daughter's birthday and I wanted this to be what I posted about; parts of this post are based on the speech I gave to my group at SheSpeaks in June]

Eight years ago today, I became a mom. Last year, I documented the day by showcasing photos of me and my wee babe.

While I became a mom that day, it wasn’t my first pregnancy. I had lost a baby to a miscarriage the year before, and I’d had an abortion 11 years prior. Abigael’s birth was a sort-of rebirth for me and so I celebrate this day with her. She is my sweet sweet girl, and she is nothing less than a gift from the Lord.

I had spend the years prior to her birth aching because of my poor judgment. I wondered if I would ever be able to hold a baby of my own in my arms. I worried that I’d be punished and be barren.

When I became pregnant in early 1999 (10 years, to the month, after I had become pregnant before), I felt redeemed. Restored. Forgiven. I felt that the Lord had smiled at me and told me it was okay and that He loved me. When an ultrasound later revealed that there was no hearbeat, I felt that my own heart had been shattered again at that very moment.

What had happened to that love and forgiveness that the Lord had just bestowed up me just a few short weeks earlier?

Despair covered me and seeped through me.

I felt abandoned by Him.

That pregnancy had signified so much in my mind. The miscarriage signified even more.

I cried out to Him and fell on my knees and searched His Word – looking for answers. Looking for Him. Asking Him why?

From that despair, I was lead to a bible study for women healing from abortions, and through that study, He met with me.

I found Him and He began to heal me. From the shame. From the fear of my sin being discovered.

All of the years of suffering and basing the Lord’s forgiveness on my circumstances… when all along, I had been forgiven.

A year later, to the month, I was pregnant again. This time, it was different. This time, I got it:

He had restored me and I would never be the same.

Happy 8th, sweet girl

She wasn’t the first wee babe God sent to change my life.

[If you are dealing with this same situation, I highly recommend the bible study I mentioned above, from Healing Hearts Ministries.]

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Comments

  1. Karla, thanks for sharing. I have a couple of friends who have had similar life paths, and I could have very well been one that had made the same decisions.
    Happy b-day to your little girl! How special!
    October b-days are the best!
    My oldest turned 13 on Monday Oct 13th :), and I live him more and more every year! :)
    My middle gal turned 11 last Friday.
    Blessings!

  2. I meant “like” him more and more every year :)…
    Have a great and special day!

  3. Beautifully said, Karla! Thank you for sharing.

  4. Known as Alicia says:

    What a beautiful testimony! Thanks for sharing! I hope she has a great birthday!

  5. Thank you for sharing your heart. I praise God more of women are speaking up, so many feel there is no hope of healing. God forgives and restores no matter what sin we find ourselves in. Praise God.

  6. Elizabeth says:

    Wow, Karla, this is powerful. I am sorry that you’ve experienced such burdans in your life…but overjoyed that you found God in the midst of them holding onto you so tightly. thanks so much for sharing.

  7. themommykelly says:

    Very touching, Karla. The winding paths that we take to heaven are sometimes – scratch that – always trying. Thank you for sharing a part of yours. It is an inspiration.

    Happy Birthday to your wee one!

  8. Katie Greenwood says:

    Karla–what a beautiful testimony to our Father’s grace, ,mercy, and love for us. I can’t imagine the world without that sweet girl of yours. I have missed her in class on more than one occasion since she has gotten too old to come to my room :)
    In fact, I am in a drought with your kids for this year. I look forward to getting Seamus soon :)
    Blessings–and thanks for letting God use your heart message to bless my life today. I needed the reminder it brought :)

  9. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story. It is one that I’m sure with touch and inspire many.

  10. ~michelle pendergrass says:

    ((((hugs)))) Thank you for sharing that.

  11. Barb @ A Chelsea Morning says:

    Your transparency is inspiring, Karla. I suspect this post will help someone out here who may be going through the same thing you went through.

    Beautiful post.

  12. Thank you for sharing this post. There are a LOT of people in this world that could benefit from reading it, myself included.

  13. Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas says:

    This is a lovely testimony. I’m so sorry about your pain and loss. And the blessing you have now is just beautiful!!!

  14. The Flip Flop Mamma! says:

    I sent that link on to a friend who struggles every year at this time from choosing an abortion 20 years ago.

    Happy Birthday to your beautiful girl!

  15. Cottage Magpie says:

    Here from Twitter…Thank you for sharing something so personal. It means a lot to me.
    ~Angela :-)

  16. Thank you for sharing your story and your heart. Your honesty is a blessing. The grace and forgiveness that comes from our Lord can’t help but change us forever.

  17. Ohm Karla, I’m in tears! Thank you for being so honest. God is so good, and he is the King of Restoration.

  18. Natalie Jost says:

    Karla, I’m so happy to see you talking about this, not happy that you go through it of course, just happy that others will know they’re not alone (like me). :) God bless you for your courage and transparency.

  19. Karla, this brought me to tears, because of how raw and honest it was. I was reading your story and thinking of a very dear friend of mine…I may send her over to read this as well.

    Thank you for being so open and sharing. God bless you.

  20. Lori @ Front Porch Legacy says:

    Bless you.

  21. Steph at The Red Clay Diaries says:

    Love this: “All of the years of suffering and basing the Lord’s forgiveness on my circumstances… when all along, I had been forgiven.”

    So well said.

  22. Such a heartfelt post, Karla and I am sure you’ll bless so many by your willingness to be broken, humble and honest. So amazing what God can do, even through the worst of circumstances. God can forgive and restore and change us. Thanks for sharing your pain and your joy! Happy birthday to your sweet girl!

    Blessings,
    Melissa

  23. Melissa @ The Inspired Room says:

    PS. I always have a REALLY hard time leaving you comments. It won’t accept my profile no matter what I try. It says my url has illegal characters. Technically challenged, obviously!

    That last comment was from me:

    melissa @ the inspired room
    http://theinspiredroom.net

  24. Karla, I’m sure it took an amazing amount of courage to share this today. Happy Birthday to your sweet girl and Happy Re-Birth to you. It’s amazing how the Lord’s love can change us so.

  25. what an amazing testimony of Jesus’ redeeming love and His amazing power in your life. thanks for sharing something so personal but so relevant in your life. it never ceases to amaze me the way God takes the mistakes in our lives and turns thing around for His Glory. may God continue to bless you and your family. what a beautiful story you now have… another beneficial book you might enjoy is by Barbara Wilson titled, “The Invisible Bond”… I’m reading it now. blessings to you..

  26. Anonymous says:

    {love}

    xoxo, foo-say

  27. Love you Karla! This is why I read your blog. Thank you for sharing yourself with us lowly blog readers. :)

  28. Jen @ JenuineJen says:

    Here from twitter also (@JenuineJen). This is a very personal post and I appreciate it. I’m sorry for your losses, happy for your 8 year old, and even more happy you know and feel God’s grace and forgiveness.

  29. The Nester says:

    Wow. Thank you for sharing that with us. All I can think of is those few women that for whatever reason never could have another baby after an abortion. My heart goes out to them and I hope they don’t think they are being punished.

    I’m so glad that you figured out that you were already forgiven even before the blessing came!

    Cannot wait to see you!

  30. Karla,

    Thank you for sharing this with us.
    She is precious beyond words.
    you are truly blessed.

  31. Samantha @ the Listener's post says:

    Karla – thanks for sharing your story when it would have been so easy to just say “Happy Birthday” and leave it at that. God will bless your openness and honesty!

    I’m thankful for His blessings and healing in your life!

  32. Jenny from Mommin' it Up! says:

    beautiful, beautiful. God is so COOL!
    can’t wait to meet you this weekend.

  33. what an awesome story!

  34. What a great story. I volunteer for a ministry that was started by a woman who had had an abortion as a teen, then had 2 healthy children. She began to see teen moms out and about when they should be in school and started talking to them. She then started a group which helped, and still helps, teen moms to afford day care in order to finish school, work and pursue a productive life to support themselves and their children. Please take a moment to look at it. God can use our mistakes to lead us to glorify His name. http://www.teenmotherchoices.org/

  35. Jami @ livelaughlove5 says:

    Wow, Karla – thanks for sharing this. I’m sure your story will touch so many and be used for redemption. Love you!

  36. Anonymous says:

    Hi Karla, wow your blog really touched me. Before I found Jesus my life was completely different,(needless to say) and I also had a miscarriage and after that an abortion…When I found Christ I struggled with guilt, and not feeling I would deserve to have another baby… But His love is overwhelming, smile. I know I have been forgiven. smile. And my husband and I are expecting our first child, haha I’m 7 months pregnant, what a miracle! Thanks for sharing your story!

  37. Anonymous says:

    You did absolutely nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about, and I hope you will learn to avoid people who try to tell you otherwise.

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